Gardening In a Tornado

by Dr. Pants

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1.
Sarsaparilla Girl (free) 02:22
SARSAPARILLA GIRL IS COMING OUT WITH US TONIGHT SHE’S ONLY SIXTEEN, SOMETIMES IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT TO HER, HER MOM, OR WHOEVER’S NOT AROUND BUT YOU KNOW I DON’T EVER LET NOBODY PUT HER DOWN WHOA SARSAPARILLA GIRL SARSAPARILLA GIRL, YOU KNOW, SHE’S GOT A THING FOR ROCK SHE ALWAYS COMES AND BUYS CDS WHEN I AM ON THE CLOCK BECK AND TORI AMOS BOTH ARE ON HER TOP FIVE LIST AND IF YOU TRY AND DISS ‘EM BOY, YOU KNOW THAT SHE’LL GET PISSED WHOA SARSAPARILLA GIRL SARSAPARILLA GIRL, YOU KNOW, THAT SHE’S GOT MAD KNOWLEDGE I WONDER WHAT SHE’LL BE LIKE AFTER SHE GETS INTO COLLEGE HOW MUCH MORE CAN ONE PERSON BE? I THINK WE’RE ABOUT TO SEE SARSAPARILLA GIRL IS KEEPING HER HEAD UP, I HOPE I KNOW SOMETIMES THAT IT’S SO HARD FOR ALL OF US TO COPE SARSAPARILLA GIRL I WANNA TELL YOU NOT TO FEAR I JUST WANNA TELL YOU, GIRL, THAT WE ALL WANT YOU HERE WHOA SARSAPARILLA GIRL
2.
I CAN’T HANDLE THIS WEIRDNESS YOU KNOW IT SCARES ME TO DEATH DON’T WANNA SEE WHAT IT IS YOU SEE NEED LISTERINE FOR THAT HEALING BREATH I CAN’T HANDLE THESE PEOPLE THEY CAN’T SAY NOTHING TO ME THE ONLY ONE THAT’S ANY FUN AT ALL SHE’S GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME AWAY FROM THIS AWAY FROM THIS AWAY FROM THIS AWAY I CAN’T HANDLE YOUR TOWER MADE OF IVORY AND LIES YOU SAY YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD IS THAT REALLY YOUR ALIBI? I CAN’T HANDLE THIS MISERY THAT YOU SEEM TO CREATE DO YOU ACTUALLY HELP AT ALL OR JUST SIT THERE AND MASTURBATE?
3.
The Gift 04:01
THE DAYS GO BY LIKE LIGHTNING THE WORDS DON’T COME BUT I KNOW THAT THERE’S SOMETHING INSIDE I’M ASKING YOU TO MOVE ME I’M BEGGING YOU TO PUT ME WHERE I CAN NO LONGER HIDE I AM THE WEASEL I AM THE REBEL I ACT LIKE A MOUNTAIN BUT I’M JUST A PEBBLE I DON’T DESERVE IT BUT STILL I GET IT THE GIFT THAT I STILL DON’T THINK I UNDERSTAND AND AFTER YOU REVEAL IT I SIT DOWN WITH MY PEN AND WRITE DOWN ALL I HAVE LEARNED I CAN’T REMEMBER ALL MY QUESTIONS THE WORDS DON’T COME BUT I KNOW THAT A NEW PAGE HAS TURNED
4.
I’M SITTING IN AN OFFICE OF STRENGTH AND RESOLVE I FEEL JUST LIKE ABE LINCOLN MUST HAVE FELT THERE ARE SO MANY PROBLEMS, THEY ARE ALL MINE TO SOLVE BUT I’M PLEASED WITH THE HAND THAT I’VE BEEN DEALT THIS IS THE MAN THAT I AM HALF THE TIME HALF THE TIME I LOSE ALL OF MY FEAR THIS HALF OF MY LIFE IS HALF OF THE BOX THAT CONTAINS ALL OF THE THINGS THAT I HOLD DEAR I’M SITTING AT THE OPERA IN A BALCONY WITH MY GIRL I AM WHERE ABE LINCOLN LIKED TO BE THERE’S NOTHING SO JOYOUS AS THESE ROMANTIC INTERLUDES BUT I KNOW IT WILL ALL END IN MISERY THIS IS THE MAN THAT I AM HALF THE TIME HALF THE TIME I DROWN IN HOW I FEEL THIS HALF OF MY LIFE IS WHERE EMOTIONS RULE BUT I’M SCARED DOWN DEEP INSIDE THAT IT’S NOT REAL HEY ABE, DON’T YOU WISH YOU STAYED AT HOME? HEY ABE, DON’T YOU WISH YOU STAYED AT HOME?
5.
I Retreat 05:50
I BASK IN THE LIGHT OF YOU ONLY WHEN THE CLOUDS ARE OPEN BUT WHEN THE DARNESS FALLS AND THE RAIN IT COMES IN SQUALLS I SEE YOUR SHADOW AND I’M GROPING SO I PUT MY FINGERS IN MY POCKETS I PUT MY SMILE INSIDE A BOX AND I WAIT FOR A DAY WHEN YOU DECIDE TO CALL MY NAME I ONLY LISTEN WHEN YOU TALK AND I RETREAT FROM THE SILENCE AND I RETREAT FROM THE COLD I AM A MAN WITH WEAKENED EYES I CANNOT SEE THE THINGS THAT HURT ME I HAVE CLAIMED TO UNDERSTAND ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU DEMAND TRUTH IS I’M JUST DIRTY I EMPTY OUT MY SOULFUL GARBAGE I PUT MY BAGGAGE AWAY I STOW THE LECTURE NOTES I HANG UP MY WINTER COAT I’M STAYING INSIDE TODAY AND I RETREAT FROM THE SILENCE AND I RETREAT FROM THE COLD
6.
HERE I AM SITTING NEXT TO YOU AND I THINK IT MIGHT BE DANGEROUS FOR YOU TO SMILE LIKE YOU DO CUZ IT’S A JOY MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE MAKES ME WANNA STAY WITH YOU AND NEVER SAY GOODBYE CUZ WHEN I WAS ALONE I THOUGHT I’D NEVER KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE AND HAVE SOME WHERE TO GO YOU INVADE MY MIND AND YOU JUST WON’T GO AWAY I HAVE SO MUCH, SO MUCH I WANNA SAY HERE I AM I’M IN YOUR ARMS IT’S A GOOD PLACE TO OBSERVE YOUR MANY, MANY CHARMS AND IT’S OKAY IF YOU NEED TO BLUSH I’M NOT IN ANY HURRY I’M NOT IN ANY RUSH CUZ WHEN I WAS ALONE I THOUGHT I’D NEVER KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE AND HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO YOU INVADE MY MIND AND YOU JUST WON’T GO AWAY PLEASE SAY THAT, SAY THAT YOU WANNA STAY HERE I AM LOOKING IN YOUR EYES AND I THINK THAT IT IS REASONABLE I DON’T THINK IT’S A SURPRISE THAT SOMETHING’S THERE LOOKING BACK AT ME I WANNA KNOW ALL ABOUT IT I WANNA KNOW WHAT IT COULD BE CUZ WHEN I WAS ALONE I THOUGHT I’D NEVER KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE AND HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO YOU INVADE MY SOUL AND YOU JUST WON’T GO AWAY YOU JUST WON’T GO AWAY PLEASE SAY THAT, SAY THAT YOU’RE GONNA STAY I WANT YOU TO STAY
7.
HEY MAN, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A GUY I USED TO KNOW HEY MAN, HE LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU AND HIS NAME WAS JOE DON’T YOU KNOW WE ALL LOOK LIKE SOMEONE ELSE IT’S NOT A BRAND NEW THING THE WORLD IS A CIRCLE AND THERE’S YOUR TWIN STANDING THERE ACROSS THE RING BECAUSE JOHNNY LOOKS LIKE FREDDIE AND JENNY LOOKS LIKE MARY IT’S A NATURAL EVENTUALITY JONI LOOKS LIKE TONI AND ROBBIE LOOKS LIKE BOBBY DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE ME? SCUSE ME, MA’AM, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A GIRL I USED TO DATE SCUSE ME, MA’AM, IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU SOMEHOW RELATE DON’T YOU KNOW WE ALL LOOK LIKE SOMEONE ELSE IT DOESN’T MEAN I’M HER SISTER IT DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BUG ME JUST BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HAVE KISSED HER
8.
Catherine 02:36
I KNOW A GIRL NAMED CATHERINE AND SHE DRAWS HAPPY FLOWERS HER WORDS ARE LIKE MY MEMORIES ENTERTAINING ME FOR HOURS I REMEMBER ONCE I TRIED TO GO BUT I COULDN’T GET OUT THE DOOR SOMEONE GLUED US TOGETHER AND WE TUMBLED TO THE FLOOR I KNOW A GIRL NAMED CATHERINE AND SHE HAS A HAPPY SMILE ONCE IT COMES UPON HER FACE IT STAYS THERE FOR A WHILE ONCE HER LIFE WAS COVERED WITH CLOUDS AND THE SUN COULDN’T GET THROUGH BUT SHE KEPT ON TALKING TO JESUS CUZ HE KNEW WHAT TO DO CATHERINE’S HER NAME I KNOW A GIRL NAMED CATHERINE AND SHE KNOWS SOME HAPPY SONGS SOMETIMES SHE FORGETS THEM BUT THEY COME BACK BEFORE TOO LONG
9.
I WOKE UP MONDAY AND YOU WERE GONE SEVERAL WEEKS AWAY I TOLD MYSELF IT’S NOT THAT LONG TAKE IT DAY BY DAY I AM PATIENT, SO I’M TOLD I CAN WAIT FOR THINGS BUT I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOUR RETURN AND ALL THAT IT WILL BRING BABY, BABY, WHEN YOU COME BACK YOU GOT TO LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME BABY, BABY, YOU GOT THE KNACK YOU GOT TO LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME KISS ME PLEASE, DON’T LOOK BACK YOU GOT TO LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME BABY, BABY, WHEN YOU COME BACK YOU GOT TO LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME I WOKE UP TUESDAY AND YOU WEREN’T HERE FIVE HUNDRED MILES EAST I TRY TO FIGHT MY LONELINESS BUT BABY, IT’S A BEAST I HAVE BEEN SO FLOODED WITH THE SPECS OF YOUR DESIGN MY OWN STRUCTURE IS WOBBLING DO ME ONE FAVOR, WOULD YOU MIND? I WOKE UP TODAY AND THOUGHT OF YOU AND THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE IT HAPPEN IN YOUR FAVORITE PLACE SOMEDAY WE WILL GO TOGETHER GO AND SEE THE WORLD RIGHT NOW I’M STUCK, BUT I STILL KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU AND YOU’RE MY GIRL
10.
EVERY DAY I WAKE UP WONDERING WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE DO ALL THE THINGS WE’VE SAID AND DONE CREATE A BACKDROP FOR TEARS ON THIS STAGE I BECAME A MAN BUT GOD HELP ME, I WANT A WOMAN BY MY SIDE I’LL BE OKAY IF YOU GO AWAY BUT I THINK A LITTLE PART OF ME WILL DIE BUT BABY DON’T CRY I’M ASTOUNDED BY THE MIRACLES THAT I SEE EVERY DAY MAYBE I’M WISHING FOR A MIRACLE FOR US MAYBE THAT’S THE ONLY WAY MAYBE I’M SEEING THINGS THROUGH NARROW EYES MAYBE YOU’VE GOT SOMETHING UP YOUR SLEEVE MAYBE YOU’VE GOT SOME THINGS TO SAY THAT I JUST WILL NOT BELIEVE BUT BABY DON’T CRY EVERY DAY I WAKE UP WONDERING HAVE I LOVED YOU IN VAIN I GUESS WHAT I REALLY MEAN IS IS THE BEAUTY WORTH ALL THE PAIN I COULD SAY THAT I’M NOT SCARED BUT YOU KNOW THAT WOULD BE A LIE IS IT TIME FOR ME TO SETTLE DOWN OR TO FINALLY SPREAD MY WINGS AND LEARN TO FLY PLEASE BABY DON’T CRY ALL I WANNA DO IS TO SIT ON A SOFA WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
11.
AS I’M WANDERING I WONDER IN THIS BRAIN OF MINE IS THERE SOMETHING I’M NOT GETTING, SOMETHING I CAN’T FIND I SHOULDN’T LOOK TO MEN TO SEE YOU, BUT I’M STUMBLING THERE’S A SHRED OF FEAR INSIDE ME, AND IT’S RUMBLING SO I LET MYSELF GO SO YOU MIGHT SHINE THROUGH ME BUT WHAT IF WHEN THEY LOOK I AM ALL THEY SEE AS I’M FOLLOWING I WONDER WHY I’M GIVING IN I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE PICTURE THAT I’M LIVING IN I KNOW THIS WORLD IS DAMAGED AND I’M DAMAGED, TOO SOMEHOW, I STILL KNOW I’LL NEVER RUN FROM YOU
12.
WHEN YOU’RE GARDENING IN A TORNADO, LOOK OUT DON’T POKE OUT YOUR EYE WHEN YOU’RE WANDERING BETWEEN THE POLES, LOOK OUT DON’T BELIEVE THE LIE CUZ IT’S BURNING UP THE ATMOSPHERE OF HOPE THAT WE TRY TO CULTIVATE AND IT’S TEARING APART THE BLANKET THAT PROTECTS FROM THE LEVIATHAN OF HATE AND IT LIVES AND IT BREATHES AND IT WANTS TO BE RECEIVED AND YOUR NEIGHBORS, WELL, THEY WANT TO LOVE YOU BUT ALL THEY SEE ARE SIGNS AND THE SIGNS, THEY CLAIM TO GIVE DIRECTION BUT THEY ONLY MAKE YOU BLIND AND THEY LIE TO YOU DIRECT YOU HAVE TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES WE THINK WE KNOW IT ALL WHEN IT COMES TO THIS ONE THING BUT WE CAN’T ASSUME THAT MUCH ABOUT A WORLD WHERE TROUBLE WAITS TO KILL US WHERE WE STAND CUZ IT’S RIPPING DOWN THE FOREST JUST BEFORE WE CAN SEE IT FOR THE TREES AND IT’S A VIRUS IN THE WATER THAT WE DRINK BECOMING A DISEASE AND IT’S COLD AND IT’S CRUEL BUT YOU DON’T KNOW IT YET YOU ARE EVERYONE AND HE IS YOU YOU ARE EVERYONE AND SHE IS YOU YOU ARE EVERYONE AND THEY ARE YOU
13.
Donuts 03:30
I LOVE DONUTS, AND THAT’S ALL I CAN SAY I EAT DONUTS AT NIGHT AND DONUTS IN THE DAY I ATE 95 DONUTS JUST LAST WEEK PEOPLE BE SAYING I’M SOME KIND OF FREAK I EAT DONUTS FOR BREAKFAST, DONUTS FOR LUNCH DONUTS WITH BEER AND DONUTS WITH FRUIT PUNCH GOT DONUTS IN MY CABINETS AND DONUTS IN MY CAR DONUTS AT THE STEAK HOUSE, DONUTS AT THE BAR ONE TIME KRISPY KREME CALLED MY ANSWERING SERVICE CUZ I ONLY WENT FIVE TIMES THAT DAY AND THEY GOT NERVOUS THEN THEY CALLED THE COPS AND SAID I WAS DEAD BUT YO, I JUST CUT OUT AND WENT TO WINCHELL’S INSTEAD DUNKIN DONUTS GOT THE CLASSIC STYLE BECAUSE I USED TO EAT THEM WHEN I WAS A CHILD, BUT 7-11 DONUTS ARE MY FAVORITE KIND IT’S LIKE RESCUING ORPHANS SOMEONE ELSE LEFT BEHIND BROTHAS BE SAYIN’ THAT I’M GONNA DIE CUZ I’VE HAD NOTHING BUT DONUTS SINCE I WAS 25 BUT IF I DON’T LIVE LONG, YO, AT LEAST I ATE WELL SURE HOPE I GO TO HEAVEN, AIN’T NO DONUTS IN HELL GOT DONUTS IN MY PANTS, AND DONUTS IN MY SHIRT ATE 10 DONUTS FOR DINNER AND 5 FOR DESSERT TOOK 3 DOZEN WITH ME TO WORK YESTERDAY MY BOSS TRIED TO TAKE ONE, I SAID, “HOMIE DON’T PLAY” IF YOU WANT SOME DONUTS, GO GET YOUR OWN BOX IF YOU TRY AND TAKE MY DONUTS I GET CRAZY LIKE A FOX I STOPPED WATCHING TV CUZ THERE WEREN’T ANY DONUT SHOWS I STOPPED PLAYING SPORTS, I JUST PLAY GAMES WITH DONUT HOLES MY HANDS ARE ALL STICKY AND CAKED WITH POWDERED SUGAR AND I LOOK LIKE I SNORT COKE EVERY TIME I PICK A BOOGER GOT 45 DOZEN IN MY WALK-IN CLOSET AND DONUTS IN THE BATHROOM WHILE I MAKE A DEPOSIT

about

This record took almost two years to complete, mostly because it’s really hard to make a record all at once if you don’t have any money. The result is killer, though, we think, and we hope you will think so, too.

We recorded this slab of goodness at 908N studios in Oklahoma City, where Brian Bergman and Josh Banner were our fearless engineers. David, our fearless leader, decided he was going to produce this sucker himself, and he did, albeit with a lot of help from Brian and Josh. Not to mention all the fabulous touches Kendall Combes put on in the mixing process.

This record is about life, love, God, pain, joy, frustration, peace, and donuts.

credits

released November 6, 2006

See Digital Booklet for details.

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all rights reserved

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Dr. Pants Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Dr. Pants and Weird Files are the musical monikers of David Broyles, a songwriter/composer from Oklahoma City. Rock, folk, hip hop, electronic music, chamber composition and other things, from a nerdy, quirky perspective.

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