Gardening In a Tornado

by Dr. Pants

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about

This record took almost two years to complete, mostly because it’s really hard to make a record all at once if you don’t have any money. The result is killer, though, we think, and we hope you will think so, too.

We recorded this slab of goodness at 908N studios in Oklahoma City, where Brian Bergman and Josh Banner were our fearless engineers. David, our fearless leader, decided he was going to produce this sucker himself, and he did, albeit with a lot of help from Brian and Josh. Not to mention all the fabulous touches Kendall Combes put on in the mixing process.

This record is about life, love, God, pain, joy, frustration, peace, and donuts.

credits

released November 6, 2006

See Digital Booklet for details.

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: Sarsaparilla Girl
SARSAPARILLA GIRL IS COMING OUT WITH US TONIGHT
SHE’S ONLY SIXTEEN, SOMETIMES IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT
TO HER, HER MOM, OR WHOEVER’S NOT AROUND
BUT YOU KNOW I DON’T EVER LET NOBODY PUT HER DOWN

WHOA SARSAPARILLA GIRL

SARSAPARILLA GIRL, YOU KNOW, SHE’S GOT A THING FOR ROCK
SHE ALWAYS COMES AND BUYS CDS WHEN I AM ON THE CLOCK
BECK AND TORI AMOS BOTH ARE ON HER TOP FIVE LIST
AND IF YOU TRY AND DISS ‘EM BOY, YOU KNOW THAT SHE’LL GET PISSED

WHOA SARSAPARILLA GIRL

SARSAPARILLA GIRL, YOU KNOW, THAT SHE’S GOT MAD KNOWLEDGE
I WONDER WHAT SHE’LL BE LIKE AFTER SHE GETS INTO COLLEGE
HOW MUCH MORE CAN ONE PERSON BE?
I THINK WE’RE ABOUT TO SEE

SARSAPARILLA GIRL IS KEEPING HER HEAD UP, I HOPE
I KNOW SOMETIMES THAT IT’S SO HARD FOR ALL OF US TO COPE
SARSAPARILLA GIRL I WANNA TELL YOU NOT TO FEAR
I JUST WANNA TELL YOU, GIRL, THAT WE ALL WANT YOU HERE

WHOA SARSAPARILLA GIRL
Track Name: Away From This
I CAN’T HANDLE THIS WEIRDNESS
YOU KNOW IT SCARES ME TO DEATH
DON’T WANNA SEE WHAT IT IS YOU SEE
NEED LISTERINE FOR THAT HEALING BREATH
I CAN’T HANDLE THESE PEOPLE
THEY CAN’T SAY NOTHING TO ME
THE ONLY ONE THAT’S ANY FUN AT ALL
SHE’S GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME

AWAY FROM THIS
AWAY FROM THIS
AWAY FROM THIS
AWAY

I CAN’T HANDLE YOUR TOWER
MADE OF IVORY AND LIES
YOU SAY YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD
IS THAT REALLY YOUR ALIBI?
I CAN’T HANDLE THIS MISERY
THAT YOU SEEM TO CREATE
DO YOU ACTUALLY HELP AT ALL
OR JUST SIT THERE AND MASTURBATE?
Track Name: The Gift
THE DAYS GO BY LIKE LIGHTNING
THE WORDS DON’T COME
BUT I KNOW THAT THERE’S SOMETHING INSIDE
I’M ASKING YOU TO MOVE ME
I’M BEGGING YOU
TO PUT ME WHERE I CAN NO LONGER HIDE

I AM THE WEASEL
I AM THE REBEL
I ACT LIKE A MOUNTAIN
BUT I’M JUST A PEBBLE
I DON’T DESERVE IT
BUT STILL I GET IT
THE GIFT THAT I STILL DON’T THINK I UNDERSTAND

AND AFTER YOU REVEAL IT
I SIT DOWN WITH MY PEN
AND WRITE DOWN ALL I HAVE LEARNED
I CAN’T REMEMBER ALL MY QUESTIONS
THE WORDS DON’T COME
BUT I KNOW THAT A NEW PAGE HAS TURNED
Track Name: Hey Abe Lincoln
I’M SITTING IN AN OFFICE OF STRENGTH AND RESOLVE
I FEEL JUST LIKE ABE LINCOLN MUST HAVE FELT
THERE ARE SO MANY PROBLEMS, THEY ARE ALL MINE TO SOLVE
BUT I’M PLEASED WITH THE HAND THAT I’VE BEEN DEALT

THIS IS THE MAN THAT I AM HALF THE TIME
HALF THE TIME I LOSE ALL OF MY FEAR
THIS HALF OF MY LIFE IS HALF OF THE BOX
THAT CONTAINS ALL OF THE THINGS THAT I HOLD DEAR
I’M SITTING AT THE OPERA IN A BALCONY WITH MY GIRL
I AM WHERE ABE LINCOLN LIKED TO BE
THERE’S NOTHING SO JOYOUS AS THESE ROMANTIC INTERLUDES
BUT I KNOW IT WILL ALL END IN MISERY

THIS IS THE MAN THAT I AM HALF THE TIME
HALF THE TIME I DROWN IN HOW I FEEL
THIS HALF OF MY LIFE IS WHERE EMOTIONS RULE
BUT I’M SCARED DOWN DEEP INSIDE THAT IT’S NOT REAL

HEY ABE, DON’T YOU WISH YOU STAYED AT HOME?
HEY ABE, DON’T YOU WISH YOU STAYED AT HOME?
Track Name: I Retreat
I BASK IN THE LIGHT OF YOU
ONLY WHEN THE CLOUDS ARE OPEN
BUT WHEN THE DARNESS FALLS
AND THE RAIN IT COMES IN SQUALLS
I SEE YOUR SHADOW AND I’M GROPING
SO I PUT MY FINGERS IN MY POCKETS
I PUT MY SMILE INSIDE A BOX
AND I WAIT FOR A DAY
WHEN YOU DECIDE TO CALL MY NAME
I ONLY LISTEN WHEN YOU TALK

AND I RETREAT
FROM THE SILENCE
AND I RETREAT
FROM THE COLD

I AM A MAN WITH WEAKENED EYES
I CANNOT SEE THE THINGS THAT HURT ME
I HAVE CLAIMED TO UNDERSTAND
ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU DEMAND
TRUTH IS I’M JUST DIRTY
I EMPTY OUT MY SOULFUL GARBAGE
I PUT MY BAGGAGE AWAY
I STOW THE LECTURE NOTES
I HANG UP MY WINTER COAT
I’M STAYING INSIDE TODAY

AND I RETREAT
FROM THE SILENCE
AND I RETREAT
FROM THE COLD
Track Name: The Hexagon Song
HERE I AM
SITTING NEXT TO YOU
AND I THINK IT MIGHT BE DANGEROUS
FOR YOU TO SMILE LIKE YOU DO
CUZ IT’S A JOY
MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE
MAKES ME WANNA STAY WITH YOU
AND NEVER SAY GOODBYE

CUZ WHEN I WAS ALONE I THOUGHT I’D NEVER KNOW
WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE AND HAVE SOME WHERE TO GO
YOU INVADE MY MIND AND YOU JUST WON’T GO AWAY
I HAVE SO MUCH, SO MUCH I WANNA SAY

HERE I AM
I’M IN YOUR ARMS
IT’S A GOOD PLACE TO OBSERVE
YOUR MANY, MANY CHARMS
AND IT’S OKAY
IF YOU NEED TO BLUSH
I’M NOT IN ANY HURRY
I’M NOT IN ANY RUSH

CUZ WHEN I WAS ALONE I THOUGHT I’D NEVER KNOW
WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE AND HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO
YOU INVADE MY MIND AND YOU JUST WON’T GO AWAY
PLEASE SAY THAT, SAY THAT YOU WANNA STAY

HERE I AM
LOOKING IN YOUR EYES
AND I THINK THAT IT IS REASONABLE
I DON’T THINK IT’S A SURPRISE
THAT SOMETHING’S THERE
LOOKING BACK AT ME
I WANNA KNOW ALL ABOUT IT
I WANNA KNOW WHAT IT COULD BE

CUZ WHEN I WAS ALONE I THOUGHT I’D NEVER KNOW
WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE AND HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO
YOU INVADE MY SOUL AND YOU JUST WON’T GO AWAY
YOU JUST WON’T GO AWAY
PLEASE SAY THAT, SAY THAT YOU’RE GONNA STAY
I WANT YOU TO STAY
Track Name: Doppelganger Rock
HEY MAN, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A GUY I USED TO KNOW
HEY MAN, HE LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU AND HIS NAME WAS JOE
DON’T YOU KNOW WE ALL LOOK LIKE SOMEONE ELSE
IT’S NOT A BRAND NEW THING
THE WORLD IS A CIRCLE AND THERE’S YOUR TWIN
STANDING THERE ACROSS THE RING BECAUSE

JOHNNY LOOKS LIKE FREDDIE
AND JENNY LOOKS LIKE MARY
IT’S A NATURAL EVENTUALITY
JONI LOOKS LIKE TONI
AND ROBBIE LOOKS LIKE BOBBY
DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE ME?

SCUSE ME, MA’AM, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A GIRL I USED TO DATE
SCUSE ME, MA’AM, IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU SOMEHOW RELATE
DON’T YOU KNOW WE ALL LOOK LIKE SOMEONE ELSE
IT DOESN’T MEAN I’M HER SISTER
IT DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BUG ME
JUST BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HAVE KISSED HER
Track Name: Catherine
I KNOW A GIRL NAMED CATHERINE
AND SHE DRAWS HAPPY FLOWERS
HER WORDS ARE LIKE MY MEMORIES
ENTERTAINING ME FOR HOURS
I REMEMBER ONCE I TRIED TO GO
BUT I COULDN’T GET OUT THE DOOR
SOMEONE GLUED US TOGETHER
AND WE TUMBLED TO THE FLOOR

I KNOW A GIRL NAMED CATHERINE
AND SHE HAS A HAPPY SMILE
ONCE IT COMES UPON HER FACE
IT STAYS THERE FOR A WHILE
ONCE HER LIFE WAS COVERED WITH CLOUDS
AND THE SUN COULDN’T GET THROUGH
BUT SHE KEPT ON TALKING TO JESUS
CUZ HE KNEW WHAT TO DO

CATHERINE’S HER NAME

I KNOW A GIRL NAMED CATHERINE
AND SHE KNOWS SOME HAPPY SONGS
SOMETIMES SHE FORGETS THEM
BUT THEY COME BACK BEFORE TOO LONG
Track Name: When You Come Back
I WOKE UP MONDAY AND YOU WERE GONE
SEVERAL WEEKS AWAY
I TOLD MYSELF IT’S NOT THAT LONG
TAKE IT DAY BY DAY
I AM PATIENT, SO I’M TOLD
I CAN WAIT FOR THINGS
BUT I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOUR RETURN
AND ALL THAT IT WILL BRING

BABY, BABY, WHEN YOU COME BACK
YOU GOT TO LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME
BABY, BABY, YOU GOT THE KNACK
YOU GOT TO LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME
KISS ME PLEASE, DON’T LOOK BACK
YOU GOT TO LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME
BABY, BABY, WHEN YOU COME BACK
YOU GOT TO LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME

I WOKE UP TUESDAY AND YOU WEREN’T HERE
FIVE HUNDRED MILES EAST
I TRY TO FIGHT MY LONELINESS
BUT BABY, IT’S A BEAST
I HAVE BEEN SO FLOODED WITH
THE SPECS OF YOUR DESIGN
MY OWN STRUCTURE IS WOBBLING
DO ME ONE FAVOR, WOULD YOU MIND?

I WOKE UP TODAY AND THOUGHT OF YOU
AND THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE
AND ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE IT HAPPEN
IN YOUR FAVORITE PLACE
SOMEDAY WE WILL GO TOGETHER
GO AND SEE THE WORLD
RIGHT NOW I’M STUCK, BUT I STILL KNOW
THAT I LOVE YOU AND YOU’RE MY GIRL
Track Name: Baby Don't Cry
EVERY DAY I WAKE UP WONDERING
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE
DO ALL THE THINGS WE’VE SAID AND DONE
CREATE A BACKDROP FOR TEARS
ON THIS STAGE I BECAME A MAN
BUT GOD HELP ME, I WANT A WOMAN BY MY SIDE
I’LL BE OKAY IF YOU GO AWAY
BUT I THINK A LITTLE PART OF ME WILL DIE

BUT BABY DON’T CRY

I’M ASTOUNDED BY THE MIRACLES
THAT I SEE EVERY DAY
MAYBE I’M WISHING FOR A MIRACLE FOR US
MAYBE THAT’S THE ONLY WAY
MAYBE I’M SEEING THINGS THROUGH NARROW EYES
MAYBE YOU’VE GOT SOMETHING UP YOUR SLEEVE
MAYBE YOU’VE GOT SOME THINGS TO SAY
THAT I JUST WILL NOT BELIEVE

BUT BABY DON’T CRY

EVERY DAY I WAKE UP WONDERING
HAVE I LOVED YOU IN VAIN
I GUESS WHAT I REALLY MEAN IS
IS THE BEAUTY WORTH ALL THE PAIN
I COULD SAY THAT I’M NOT SCARED
BUT YOU KNOW THAT WOULD BE A LIE
IS IT TIME FOR ME TO SETTLE DOWN
OR TO FINALLY SPREAD MY WINGS AND LEARN TO FLY

PLEASE BABY DON’T CRY

ALL I WANNA DO IS TO SIT ON A SOFA WITH YOU
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Track Name: Shine Through Me
AS I’M WANDERING I WONDER IN THIS BRAIN OF MINE
IS THERE SOMETHING I’M NOT GETTING, SOMETHING I CAN’T FIND
I SHOULDN’T LOOK TO MEN TO SEE YOU, BUT I’M STUMBLING
THERE’S A SHRED OF FEAR INSIDE ME, AND IT’S RUMBLING

SO I LET MYSELF GO
SO YOU MIGHT SHINE THROUGH ME
BUT WHAT IF WHEN THEY LOOK
I AM ALL THEY SEE

AS I’M FOLLOWING I WONDER WHY I’M GIVING IN
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE PICTURE THAT I’M LIVING IN
I KNOW THIS WORLD IS DAMAGED AND I’M DAMAGED, TOO
SOMEHOW, I STILL KNOW I’LL NEVER RUN FROM YOU
Track Name: Gardening In a Tornado
WHEN YOU’RE GARDENING IN A TORNADO, LOOK OUT
DON’T POKE OUT YOUR EYE
WHEN YOU’RE WANDERING BETWEEN THE POLES, LOOK OUT
DON’T BELIEVE THE LIE

CUZ IT’S BURNING UP THE ATMOSPHERE OF HOPE
THAT WE TRY TO CULTIVATE
AND IT’S TEARING APART THE BLANKET THAT PROTECTS
FROM THE LEVIATHAN OF HATE
AND IT LIVES
AND IT BREATHES
AND IT WANTS TO BE RECEIVED

AND YOUR NEIGHBORS, WELL, THEY WANT TO LOVE YOU
BUT ALL THEY SEE ARE SIGNS
AND THE SIGNS, THEY CLAIM TO GIVE DIRECTION
BUT THEY ONLY MAKE YOU BLIND
AND THEY LIE TO YOU DIRECT
YOU HAVE TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES

WE THINK WE KNOW IT ALL
WHEN IT COMES TO THIS ONE THING
BUT WE CAN’T ASSUME THAT MUCH
ABOUT A WORLD WHERE TROUBLE WAITS TO KILL US WHERE WE STAND

CUZ IT’S RIPPING DOWN THE FOREST JUST BEFORE
WE CAN SEE IT FOR THE TREES
AND IT’S A VIRUS IN THE WATER THAT WE DRINK
BECOMING A DISEASE
AND IT’S COLD
AND IT’S CRUEL
BUT YOU DON’T KNOW IT YET

YOU ARE EVERYONE AND HE IS YOU
YOU ARE EVERYONE AND SHE IS YOU
YOU ARE EVERYONE AND THEY ARE YOU
Track Name: Donuts
I LOVE DONUTS, AND THAT’S ALL I CAN SAY
I EAT DONUTS AT NIGHT AND DONUTS IN THE DAY
I ATE 95 DONUTS JUST LAST WEEK
PEOPLE BE SAYING I’M SOME KIND OF FREAK
I EAT DONUTS FOR BREAKFAST, DONUTS FOR LUNCH
DONUTS WITH BEER AND DONUTS WITH FRUIT PUNCH
GOT DONUTS IN MY CABINETS AND DONUTS IN MY CAR
DONUTS AT THE STEAK HOUSE, DONUTS AT THE BAR
ONE TIME KRISPY KREME CALLED MY ANSWERING SERVICE
CUZ I ONLY WENT FIVE TIMES THAT DAY AND THEY GOT NERVOUS
THEN THEY CALLED THE COPS AND SAID I WAS DEAD
BUT YO, I JUST CUT OUT AND WENT TO WINCHELL’S INSTEAD
DUNKIN DONUTS GOT THE CLASSIC STYLE BECAUSE
I USED TO EAT THEM WHEN I WAS A CHILD, BUT
7-11 DONUTS ARE MY FAVORITE KIND
IT’S LIKE RESCUING ORPHANS SOMEONE ELSE LEFT BEHIND

BROTHAS BE SAYIN’ THAT I’M GONNA DIE
CUZ I’VE HAD NOTHING BUT DONUTS SINCE I WAS 25
BUT IF I DON’T LIVE LONG, YO, AT LEAST I ATE WELL
SURE HOPE I GO TO HEAVEN, AIN’T NO DONUTS IN HELL
GOT DONUTS IN MY PANTS, AND DONUTS IN MY SHIRT
ATE 10 DONUTS FOR DINNER AND 5 FOR DESSERT
TOOK 3 DOZEN WITH ME TO WORK YESTERDAY
MY BOSS TRIED TO TAKE ONE, I SAID, “HOMIE DON’T PLAY”
IF YOU WANT SOME DONUTS, GO GET YOUR OWN BOX
IF YOU TRY AND TAKE MY DONUTS I GET CRAZY LIKE A FOX
I STOPPED WATCHING TV CUZ THERE WEREN’T ANY DONUT SHOWS
I STOPPED PLAYING SPORTS, I JUST PLAY GAMES WITH DONUT HOLES
MY HANDS ARE ALL STICKY AND CAKED WITH POWDERED SUGAR
AND I LOOK LIKE I SNORT COKE EVERY TIME I PICK A BOOGER
GOT 45 DOZEN IN MY WALK-IN CLOSET
AND DONUTS IN THE BATHROOM WHILE I MAKE A DEPOSIT